Doo Rap
by Deep Forest Green
Summary: A fun, jaunty poem that tells the story of Les Mis through twenty semi-random character sketches. Meant to be read aloud with a strong beat.


**A/N: So "Doo Rap" is an improv game (I do improv) where one person starts off a round with a name- usually one syllable, but sometimes two- and everyone else thinks up sentences that rhyme with that name until someone messes up and is eliminated. After the first three lines of each round, everyone chants "Da-doo-rap-rap-rap, da-doo-rap-rap". Since I'm pretty bad at it, I thought I'd do one with Les Mis, so I wouldn't have to improvise- and I'd never have to use these names again! French names are surprisingly easy to rhyme in English, but one or two of these relies on mispronouncing the name. **

* * *

I met him in Digne and his name was Myriel  
He saved my soul from going to hell  
He bought my soul, it wasn't mine to sell  
(Say what?) And he wished me well  
(Say what?) After I'd been in a cell  
(Say what?) The revolution he sought to quell

I met him in prison and his name was Jean  
In the game of life, he was a pawn  
But he always looked toward the dawn  
(Say what?) He was an ex-con  
(Say what?) To little Cosette he was drawn  
(Say what?) She fell in love on his front lawn

I met her in 1817 and her name was Favourite  
She was ladylike, she would rarely eat  
She never lay with a man beneath a sheet  
(Say what?) She had dainty feet  
(Say what?) Not to mention teat  
(Say what?) With Felix she did cheat

I met him in the factory, his name was Madeleine  
Seeing others suffer brought him pain  
He helped a man who was maimed  
(Say what?) Moved to Paris under a different name  
(Say what?) He was almost slain  
(Say what?) He saw Javert jump in the Seine

I met him in Montreuil and his name was Javert  
A ponytail is how he wore his hair  
He thought that he was being fair  
(Say what?) He found a criminal lair  
(Say what?) That belonged to Thénardier  
(Say what?) And that gave him quite a scare

I met her on the docks and her name was Fantine  
She was really dirty, she wasn't clean  
She's the saddest thing that I've ever seen  
(Say what?) She'd been treated real mean  
(Say what?) So she was really lean  
(Say what?) And her daughter lived with a girl named Éponine

Her name was Simplice and she was a nun  
She never had a daughter or son  
She was light, didn't weigh a ton  
(Say what?) She didn't carry a gun  
(Say what?) She helped the mayor run  
(Say what?) Her life was not much fun

I met him in the courtroom and his name was Bamatabois  
He told Javert just what he saw  
About the whore that had broken the law  
(Say what?) He laughed like "Ha!"  
(Say what?) And he would guffaw  
(Say what?) And he'd be fun to draw

I met him in Arras and his name was Champmathieu  
He had been falsely accused  
No one believed that his story was true  
(Say what?) The witness against him was Cheneldieu  
(Say what?) Because of him, I knew  
(Say what?) Exactly what I had to do

I saw her in the park and her name was Cosette  
The Rue de Plumet was where we really met  
In English it looks like the Rue de Plumet  
(Sat what?) She wasn't blond, she was a brunette  
(Say what?) Her old stepdad changed his name to Jondrette  
(Say what?) He was part of a gang, the Patron-Minette

I met him at night and his name was Montparnasse  
He was super sexy, he had a great ass  
Although he was poor, he had lots of class  
(Say what?) He was full of sass  
(Say what?) His humor was crass  
(Say what?) And he didn't go to mass

I met him at my grandpa's and his name was Théodule  
He was a square, and not at all cool  
No, I mean it, he was really a tool  
(Say what?) He fought for the king's rule  
(Say what?) In the army, he ate gruel  
(Say what?) And he was kind of a fool

I met him on the street and his name was Bossuet  
He hung out at the Musain, which was a cafe  
He was really happy, which also means gay  
(Say what?) A National Guardsman he did slay  
(Say what?) 'Cause he was cool that way  
(Say what?) But he had to pay

I met him in the Gorbeau House and his name was Marius  
Two girls told him "We want you to marry us"  
He didn't laugh much, no, he wasn't hilarious  
(Say what?) He was gregarious  
(Say what?) But his neighbor was nefarious  
(Say what?) His situation was precarious

I met him in 1830 and his name was Joly  
He was part of an OT3  
Fought on the barricade at Rue de la Chanvevrie  
(Say what?) No, he didn't flee  
(Say what?) But he would smell his pee  
(Say what?) He was full of glee

I met him in the shop and his name was Feuilly  
He wanted to make all countries free  
He would've liked to work at an embassy  
(Say what?) The new world he could see  
(Say what?) Great for you and me  
(Say what?) He's what we should aspire to be

I met him at school and his name was Courfeyrac  
He lived real close, right around the block  
He was rich, his dad might've owned stocks  
(Say what?) He walked the walk  
(Say what?) And he talked the talk  
(Say what?) And he wore fancy socks

I met him in the Musain and his name was R  
He was a drunk; he hung around the bar  
It was 1832, so he didn't have a car  
(Say what?) He laughed sarcastically, like "har, har"  
(Say what?) His liver he did mar  
(Say what?) From his birthplace he was far

I met her in my house and her name was Toussaint  
She was fat, yes, she had some gaunt  
She was modest, she had nothing to flaunt  
(Say what?) For breakfast, she had a croissant  
(Say what?) She would never tease or taunt  
(Say what?) To Cosette she was like an aunt

I met him in Guernsey and his name was Hugo  
There was a lot of trivia that he did know  
The seeds of social change he did sow  
(Say what?) He didn't go with the flow  
(Say what?) The monarchy was his foe  
(Say what?) And his book made an awesome show!


End file.
